After my daddy transitioned nearly three years ago, I asked myself, “If you died right now, would you be happy with the life you’ve lived?” My answer was a quiet but undeniable, “No.” My two beautiful daughters were the blessings of my existence, but my stable marriage had grown stagnant, and my career, which I had been publicly praised and awarded for, was a constant source of stress- physically, mentally, and emotionally. People said I was in “a great marriage,” “making a difference in the community,” but I felt like a fake. My motivation had mainly been to please others. I had been afraid to go after the deep-hidden dreams from my youth. I could no longer bullshit myself after Daddy died about my unhappiness. (Something about a close relative’s death shakes you up until you can no longer settle.) But after three major surgeries in three years, including a hysterectomy, being told I was just “emotional” and “doing too much” in my personal and professional lives, I jumped off the cliff, so to speak. I retired early, at the height of my successful 17 year career, left my marriage of 18 years, and grieved for two long years. I struggled with my identity: no longer a principal or a wife; the only daughter of Nelson and Mary Anne, but no longer a Nelson here; and my daughters were angry and confused by my choice. The programming to be a good girl, to seek rewards for doing what others wanted, no longer worked. So I cried. I slept. I kept trying to talk to God, but I couldn’t hear anything. I had two failed attempts at therapy before I found Ashakti Wellness and discovered Usui Reiki. After my first session, I felt liberated, as if I had been living in a cage only to discover that the door had always been wide open. After my second session, I felt lighter and began to see myself calling out things I had always wanted. Speaking my truth to people who I had difficulty communicating with previously. After a few more sessions, I started manifesting a new life. I began dating online after my divorce. I moved out of my apartment and found the house of my dreams. I began to work fruitfully on my business, Crazy Believe, and really lived that mantra. Leaving my career and marriage were two of the hardest leaps of faith I’d ever made, but necessary to my path. I became a life coach and a Reiki practitioner because I wanted to help others find inner relief and release. I wanted to add my light to the world. What I realize now is that Reiki found me. The real ME. I have discovered who I really am and allowed my desires to be known. I speak my truth in love, I set boundaries in my relationships, and I release people and situations that no longer serve me without fear of rejection or punishment. I no longer work to prove my worthiness, gathering accolades for my self-esteem. I am walking in my purpose and living my authentic life. For some, Reiki has helped them to relax. Others, it has helped to release old wounds from childhood. For me, Reiki set me free. I’m living intentionally. I’m fulfilling my purpose. I’m walking in the light of love, and I am enough.
תגובות